I hate waiting. Obviously, that’s not very profound. No one likes waiting, except maybe criminals on Death Row, and even then I can only assume.

My guess is some people are better at waiting than others. I fall into the “others” category. Currently I’m waiting to hear whether an essay I submitted will be published. All I have in my in-box so far is an auto-response saying it could take up to two months. In other words, twice the lifetime of an average housefly. (They live four weeks, in case math is troublesome to you. Also, I just learned this. Also, this makes me feel a little better about swatting the shit out of them.)

So obviously I’m checking my email every five minutes. Actually, three minutes. But I don’t want to sound too crazy. Because that means I’ll check my email roughly 16,800 times before I’m likely to hear anything at all. And that accounts for time spent sleeping.  I checked my email twice since writing this. I need help.